your thong is hanging out like whoa
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
