If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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