made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
