Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
