I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
