My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
