..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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