wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
