my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want her autograph on my taint
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
