I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
