whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
