Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
