Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
