i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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