Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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