Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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