dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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