Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize