jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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