I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
