Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
