You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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