Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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