why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
