yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
