dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize