So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
