Whatcha textin bout Willis?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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