So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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