I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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