I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
