Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
