Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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