Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
