So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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