Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
