i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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