I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
