it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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