wrigley field is MILF paradise
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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