She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize