I CAN MOONWALK!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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