How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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