I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize