There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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