Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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