I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize