It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
