i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
