So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
