is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
