my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
