She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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