Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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