You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
