dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
