I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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