Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This baby is an asshole
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
