My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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