I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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