yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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