that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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