I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
