remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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