My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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