I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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