Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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