Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
