I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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