at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
