He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
