I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
