The best revenge is premature balding
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
