I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
